new skin

I must say that yesterday I found myself talking with my priest , very much in need of spiritual advice. I have been struggling for what seems like a lifetime, no job , not a lot of money, ADD/Depression...... I have been so frustrated that I can't stand myself sometimes. It's just too much to bear. Now , I have a chance to make some money but its commission only and I am not so sure I can do that from a lack of money standpoint. I was talking with my priest and I said " You know, sometimes I just want to jump out of my own skin." He said, " Do you want to leave it behind? " ............ WHOA! "Yes !I do so very much "

A lot of this has comes from what I mentioned above but also from lack of faith, faith in myself, faith that God is going to get me thru. I have just been existing and not really living. I just want to be free. I was told by father D that God loves me more than I ever could know, and that He is helping, that He knows what I am dealing with. I had to be reminded , reminded that the fact that I was in his office talking about this and that me being confirmed in the Episcopal Church a few weeks ago was a good first step. And that me being so hard on myself, selling myself short, not thinking Im good enough was just not so. He reminded me that I am God's .

I must say that for lack of a better term or phrase, I am scared sh**less. I think that there have been too many times in my life that I have been bailed out, but not this time.

This is not what I had planned or at the age of 35 that I'd even be at this point in my life.

But I know what I have to do, leave the old skin behind and stay in this new one.