Ok , so I haven't blogged in a long time.....


Today, if you asked me if I am ok I'd tell you I was but honestly I'm really not. On the inside I feel like exploding from the frustration that I have allowed to be my life. You would not believe the incomplete thoughts that spin in my head each day. Its the most frustrating thing. Many say,   It's up to me make good changes in my life, I know that, what it has yet to happen, I cannot even tell you.
I have struggled thru out my late 20's and mid 30's with everything you can possibly come up with , Jobs, depression, ADHD, money, self-esteem, weight, the list goes on and on I  believe that fear, fear of failing, rejection and not being accepted is  the cloud that hangs over my head on a daily basis. A lot of people may say, YOU? Tara? no way. Yes way.
I cannot seem to ever get myself together , no amount of meds, dr's, etc... will ever get me out of  the hole that I have been digging for such a long time. I know , deep down, it's, me. Im my own worst critic, enemy, judge, and all that goes with it.
God is waiting on me, and I am not sure what the hell i'm supposed to even do. Im so tired of fighting . I just wanna raise my white flag and give up. Often times I feel like I have.

I NEED a JOB ASAP!

I need a job, I am great at talking with people and have many , many years of customer service experience. I want to be able to use my talents be creative and passionate .

I have had a rough go of all this these days. I fear that a potential employer doesn't want to hire me due to it being a while since i have had a real job. I just NEED someone to see my potential and be accepting of me. This may sound selfish , of self pity but honestly, I am just being real here. I have been active , I volunteer , I have a Sunday night radio show on community radio here in Nashville. I have been on event staff for Contemporary Services Corp for about three years now. That has been a good opportunity for me to continue with my customer service skills.

I have a God given talent of being a great people person. I know that I would be great in a PR, Marketing , Sales or Music and Radio . I want so much to be able to be utilized for my abilities I sometimes just want to burst.

There has to be someone out there that would be willing to give me a chance. I am available ASAP. My hopes and dreams feel hopeless and I want to be able to feel as if I am making a difference , to be apart of something great. To WANT to be in a job that I am happy in and actually don't dread going to work. There HAS to be someone who would be willing to meet with me, and see me , Tara for what I have to offer in a job and not what is on a resume. There is so much more to me than a piece of paper.

SO whoever reads this PLEASE, PLEASE help!

Thanks,

Tara B. Adams

tarabadams@gmail.com

615-838-8652

" Lets Walk!"

Ok, so,

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for the past 7 days I have been in Hendersonville,NC dog sitting my mom and Bert's dog Rosie. It has been fun, frustrating and lonely. Everyday I have been taking her on a walk and when she knows where we are headed esp Mast General STore she makes a B line but also when she knows where we are, I have been taking her walking at the places she knows best. BUT, there have been TOO MANY times when I am walking and we stop and she just stands there. I say " Let's Walk!" , " Come on Rosie !" " Lets Walk!" and she is just like, " I am so not moving !" SO I end up picking her up and taking her to another area to start again.

Well, I realized yesterday that THIS is what God is doing with me, He's all " Tara. Lets Walk!" and I am all " I really don't wanna!" , or "I am just so beyond frustrated with life and no job" , I really just don't want to !"
And I realize that God also picks us or me in this particular analogy . He's like, " I'll pick you up", " I'll Carry you. but you gotta Walk too my dear!"
Last night before bed I wrote all this in my journal and the scripture from Isaiah 52;7 Beautiful are the feet..... I began thinking about that old Audio Adrenaline song Hands and Feet so taking a lesson from a two year old Shtizu.....

Lets Walk!...............

Tara

LISTEN UP WRFN!!!!!!

I JUST HAVE TO SAY, AND I AM NOT POINTING FINGERS :

I feel and this may seem superficial and selfish but I know that none of my friends ok, maybe 2 including mom listen to my radio show on Sunday night , i'm taking it a little personal , i mean , ya know?? how hard is it to have your radio/ or listen online while hanging out or other task???

I just want to be heard! Im good and Im WORTH LISTENING TO.

Maybe it's my fault that I haven't promoted it as much as I should, it's my bad I know and sorry about that. JUST HUMOR ME will ya??

THAT MUSIC HOW WITH TARA B RADIO FREE NASHVILLE WRFN 107.1 FM SUNDAY NIGHTS 8-10PM CST- 9 to 11PM EST

LISTEN ONLINE AT RADIOFREENASHVILLE.ORG ALSO I HAVE A TWITTER PAGE @MUSICSHOWRFN AND AN EMAIL TOO. THATMUSICSHOWRFN@GMAIL.COM

FAMINE

War worsens famine in Somalia

This was on the news tonight and I wonder if there is a way to help? ANYONE know how to help?

new skin

I must say that yesterday I found myself talking with my priest , very much in need of spiritual advice. I have been struggling for what seems like a lifetime, no job , not a lot of money, ADD/Depression...... I have been so frustrated that I can't stand myself sometimes. It's just too much to bear. Now , I have a chance to make some money but its commission only and I am not so sure I can do that from a lack of money standpoint. I was talking with my priest and I said " You know, sometimes I just want to jump out of my own skin." He said, " Do you want to leave it behind? " ............ WHOA! "Yes !I do so very much "

A lot of this has comes from what I mentioned above but also from lack of faith, faith in myself, faith that God is going to get me thru. I have just been existing and not really living. I just want to be free. I was told by father D that God loves me more than I ever could know, and that He is helping, that He knows what I am dealing with. I had to be reminded , reminded that the fact that I was in his office talking about this and that me being confirmed in the Episcopal Church a few weeks ago was a good first step. And that me being so hard on myself, selling myself short, not thinking Im good enough was just not so. He reminded me that I am God's .

I must say that for lack of a better term or phrase, I am scared sh**less. I think that there have been too many times in my life that I have been bailed out, but not this time.

This is not what I had planned or at the age of 35 that I'd even be at this point in my life.

But I know what I have to do, leave the old skin behind and stay in this new one.

Dear Santa

I wrote my letter to Santa today. Im pretty sure he still gets his mail the old fashioned way.

So if you were to write Santa Claus a letter this christmas what would you say?

My letter is as follows:

Dear Santa,

This Christmas I would want

A job!!! (that fits me and that I know I would love)

Peace of mind and heart

Hope and help for my family

Confidence in myself

A Godly man

A MUCH HAPPIER 2011

Thank you Santa for all the wonderful gifts. I will always cherish Christmas of 81. The beloved Traffic Patrol. And Christmas of 84 when I FINALLY received that Mr. Microphone.,

Say hello to Mrs. C-

Merry Christmas!

Tara Butler Adams